Men’s Room Etiquette

Public bathrooms are a scary place, full of discomfort and awkwardness. If you’re going to be using a public restroom, I would like to suggest you follow these rules:

1. Urinals.

Now depending on how the restroom is laid out, some rules need to be adhered to.

• If there are multiple urinals close together, then do not use one directly next to another man unless absolutely necessary. Let’s look at a couple examples:

1-2-3-4-5-6

If someone is at urinal 2, use 4 or 6. If someone is at 1, use either 3 or 5. I say that because if you use any of the other ones, someone else might walk in and find themselves having to decide to either stand next to person 1 or 4 (stuck using 2 or 3). Now if most of them are occupied, go ahead and stand next to someone, but keep your eyes on the road. Its REALLY CREEPY when you catch someone staring at you when you’re trying to go.

• If there are blockers between urinals, or if they are spaced far enough apart, then these rules aren’t required.
• Also, three shakes maximum. It’s kinda weird to stand by someone as they take 20 shakes to finish a leak. (I know, its happened to me)
• And remember: No matter how bad you think you need to take a shit, DON’T CRAP IN THE URINAL.

2. Stalls.

• If you’re going to take a dump, go to the big stall if possible. If you’re not taking a dump, don’t use the big stall, it is reserved for the guys who need it. If someone is taking an amazingly horrible crap, please hold in the urge to check under the stall to see their shoes to identify them later.
• If you’re not sure if someone’s in there, knock.
• Don’t piss on the toilet seats. Lift with your foot if it is down

3. Washing your hands.

• Do it.
• If the sink is malfunctioning for one reason or another, it is your duty to tell the person waiting behind you.
• When drying your hands with paper towels, DON’T STAND IN FRONT OF THE SINK
• When disposing of your paper towel, a full trash can is not an invitation to start a pile in the corner. Take it with you and use the trash that is most likely 5 feet from the entrance of the restroom.

Restrooms are complicated.